A Pirate's Guide to Love, for Dummies
by kakkarot21
Summary: Roronoa Zoro is well-known for many titles; but is blushing schoolgirl one of them? Join in on what can only be another hilarious adventure in One Piece as Zoro struggles with his newly realized feelings for his captain. Rated M for strong language & sex.
1. Denial is unbecoming for a swordsman

Hi everyone! Since there's not enough fics with the LuffyxZoro pairing up (yes, in that order; meaning Luffy-seme and Zoro-uke), I've decided to make my own! It's been a long time since I've written anything, but it's better than ever before!

Summary: Roronoa Zoro. Santouryuu user...ex-pirate hunter...first mate of the Strawhat Pirates... a man worth 120 million berri...future greatest swordsman in the world...blushing schoolgirl?! He may be known far and wide as fearless on the battlefield, but can Zoro handle matters of the heart? Can he deal with...*gulp*...feelings? Love is just another battle, Zoro! Join in on what can only be another hilarious adventure in One Piece as Zoro struggles with his newly realized feelings for his captain.

Enjoy!

A Pirate's Guide to Love, for Dummies

* * *

Chapter One: Denial is unbecoming for a swordsman

"Oi, shitty swordsman. When are you going to grow some balls and just admit you have a problem?"

With a slight twitch already forming in his left eye, Zoro slowly turned around from the fridge to regard Sanji with a scowl on his face, beer in hand. "What are you on about now, shitty cook? Can't even get a beer without you spouting shit." Exhaling the smoke from his cigarette with a roll of his eyes, Sanji replied, "You know what I'm talking about, you stupid bastard."

The two were standing inside the kitchen of the Thousand Sunny, the gentle rocking of the boat on the calm seas and the sun shining brightly through the windows creating a warm and peaceful atmosphere. Unfortunately, this did not deter from the oncoming storm between these two powerhouses.

"How the hell am I suppose to know what goes on inside that empty head of yours besides skirts and tits, let alone care," Zoro scoffed. Why was he even bothering with talking to the blonde anyway?

"Screw you asshole," Sanji growled back. It was around lunchtime on the Sunny and the cook was finishing preparing a lunch big enough to hopefully feed the crew, which was more difficult than it sounds with such a huge glutton for a captain. He ate more than all of the straw hats combined… and then some. "At least I'm not into spandex and dicks and afraid to admit who I have the hots for."

The cook received a withering glare that would have made a lesser man piss his pants. It went ignored. "First of all jackass, don't confuse me with the cyborg. Secondly, who I have the 'hots' for, not that I do of course, is none of your fucking business!" Sanji gave him a deadpanned stare in return. "It is when you use my kitchen as a hideout from your issues," he replied.

While Sanji had been in the middle of making lunch, the swordsman had suddenly flown into the kitchen in a frenzied panic, slamming the door shut behind him. Zoro had stayed with his back pressed against the door, breathing heavily, for several minutes. After releasing a deep sigh, he had calmly walked towards the refrigerator for a drink, pretending nothing unusual had just transpired. The whole escapade may have been cause for concern if this sort of thing wasn't becoming commonplace with the swordsman as of late. It was actually becoming quite exasperating to the rest of the crew, especially to Sanji right now.

"Who the hell is hiding?" Zoro hissed back, indignant. Who did that perverted cook think he was talking to? Roronoa Zoro, the future greatest swordsman in the world, hides from no one and nothing! "I just came for a beer if that's alright with you, dart brow," he sneered.

Sanji rolled his eyes yet again. _Who does this idiot marimo think he's fooling?_ Denial should be the man's middle name. "Is that why you ran in here with your tail between your legs? So that's how you normally get a drink, huh? While looking like a frightened little girl?" He found himself neck and neck with the sharp end of a blade thanks to that little comment.

"You wanna repeat that, asshole?" Zoro growled threateningly, a feral, pissed off look having formed on his face. No one called him a little girl and lived to tell the tale.

"Oh, did I stutter? Let me say it again slower so that even you can understand. You..are..acting..like..a..little..girl."

At least Sanji knew when to dodge.

The sound of the clashing of metal and leather was what finally alerted the captain of the ship to where his first mate had disappeared to. _Mitsuketa_(1)_ Zoro, _Luffy thought, the famous face-wide grin quickly spreading across his face, this time in victory. He had been searching for the swordsman ever since he had unexpectedly run off during their earlier encounter. Although, it was really becoming not so unexpected recently for reasons that Luffy wasn't sure of, but could only guess. He quickly ran to the kitchen before Zoro could disappear again.

The cook sidestepped a downward thrust of shuusui and retaliated with a spinning back kick that Zoro evaded with a quick jump backwards, creating some distance between himself and his opponent. Unsheathing sandai kitetsu, Zoro crouched into position, ready for their next face off. The two stared each other down, battle auras spiking, squaring off for the next attack. When their auras reached their peak, colliding in a thunderous motion, the cook and the swordsman lunged at each other. Swords poised, feet in position, and eyes blazing, they flew towards each other in what could have only been an all out battle to the death…

"Zoro!! So this is where you've been!" … if it weren't for Luffy bursting into the kitchen at that moment. The poor, unsuspecting door nearly became a casualty in his wake, apparently in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Sanji couldn't help but snort at Zoro, who had completely frozen in place at Luffy's arrival. He watched as the swordsman's eyes slowly widen with horror as the mortifying (to Zoro), hilarious (to Sanji) flush rose unwillingly to the man's cheeks. _Here we go again._

Zoro cursed himself vehemently for reacting in this disgraceful manner yet again. Ever since he had come to a realization that he absolutely refused to accept, Zoro had been unable to look at his captain the same way, unable to act as if nothing had changed for him. Because of this, he found himself increasingly in deplorable situations such as this.

***Flashback***

His right eye creaked open, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular, before closing again. He had just woken up from his mid-morning nap, which had taken place out on the front deck today. The warmth created by the sun had felt good upon his skin and the gentle rocking of the boat had helped lull him to sleep. Deciding that he had rested long enough, Zoro slowly lifted his arms into the air with a yawn, stretching his body out in a feline-like manner. After removing any kinks, he finally opened both eyes and stood up from where he had been propped up against the mast.

_Time to get back to training, _he thought. But before he could head up to the crow's nest (a.k.a. Zoro's training room), he heard a voice behind him chirp his name in greeting, knowing it could only come from one person. Lips twitching upwards, he turned around to greet his captain back. "Hey, Lu…" Zoro's eyes widened. He couldn't finish his sentence due to his breath hitching at the sight.

In actuality, Luffy didn't look any different than normal. Same red vest, same cut-off black jeans, same straw hat, and same goofy grin. If Zoro was honest with himself, though, he would admit that he had always found the rubber boy attractive. Most of the time Luffy was too cute than should be allowed for a pirate, especially a male one. His carefree, optimistic personality and innocent and naïve demeanor made people question his ability to be an outlaw, and a captain at that.

At other times, when Luffy proved how good of a pirate captain he was by kicking some bad guy/marine ass or k.o.'ing some wannabe with one punch, Zoro found himself…appreciating his captain in more ways than he felt was appropriate. Somewhere in the back of Zoro's mind… chained and locked up in a steel-enforced cage wrapped in barbed electric wire, in the middle of minefield guarded by badgers and wolverines(2), surrounded by a moat filled with crocodiles AND sharks, enclosed within a 15 ft tall brick wall with a sign posted on it stating, 'Zoro's feelings; No trespassing'… Zoro couldn't help but find his captain _**hot**_ when he was pissed off.

But right now, through Zoro's eyes (which he was going to have to have checked out by Chopper it would seem), Luffy seemed to be glowing. Sunlight was shining down on the boy in a way that made his peach-colored skin glitter enticingly. Wind blew gently threw his jet-black hair invitingly. His unbuttoned vest flowed in the breeze as well, bringing attention to his lean, but well-defined chest. Big, twin pools of liquid milk chocolate were gazing at him, filled with genuine happiness and excitement at seeing his first mate. Even the man's smile seemed surreal, teeth gleaming brightly as if they were in an orbit commercial. The only way he could describe Luffy right now was… _breathtaking_.

"… ro… oro… Hey Zoro! What's wrong with you?"

Zoro was abruptly thrown out of the daze he had been trapped in, eyes coming out of their Luffy-induced haze and jaw snapping shut from where it had been hanging open. It was as if he had been hypnotized; Zoro had not been able to tear his eyes away from the rubber man. Only when his ears finally picked up Luffy's voice calling him was the spell broken. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks, wondering how long he had been out of it. "W-What?"

Luffy stared at the green-haired man in concern, his smile having morphed into a frown in his confusion. "Daijoubu ka?(3) You're acting weird," He stated as he walked towards the swordsman, noticing how the man tensed up in response; "and you're turning red." If possible Zoro seemed to turn redder at this. "I… I'm fine," he stammered, becoming more flustered as Luffy came closer. "D-Don't be stupid."

Apparently unconvinced by this claim, Luffy continued forward until he was directly in front of Zoro, and then placed the palm of his hand on his first mate's forehead. He gasped at the increasing heat he felt. "Zoro! You're sick?!" Luffy exclaimed.

"N-No you idiot. I t-told you I'm f-fine."

"Then why is your face so hot? And why are you so red?" Unable to think of an explanation to that without further embarrassing himself, Zoro did the only think he could do in this situation. "Look!" he shouted, pointing behind Luffy at a random point in the sky, "a bird!"

"NIKU?! Doko da?! (4)" Quickly turning around, Luffy frantically scanned the sky for any sign of his coveted favorite type of food, drool already forming at the corner of his mouth in anticipation. After searching wildly for several seconds, he turned back to address Zoro... "Zoro! Where's"… and blinked in shock to find him m.i.a. "… Zoro?"

***End Flashback***

Zoro had fled to the kitchen in hopes that a drink would help calm his nerves. Unfortunately he did not take into consideration the cook factor. Now, thanks to the swirly-eyed bastard, he was back in the situation that started this whole mess with no time to recuperate. _Oh hell, not again _Zoro thought, hating the flush he knew was on his face.

"Why'd you disappear like that, Zoro?" Luffy whined, lips sticking out in a pout. Zoro started sweating. _Shit, what do I say? What CAN I say?_ "Yeah shithead, why'd you run off?" Sanji teased, smirking at the Zoro's current state of distress. No way in hell was Sanji going to miss out on a rare opportunity like this to participate in throwing the marimo completely off his guard. Only Luffy could the make the stoic man lose his cool, aloof demeanor like this, for reasons that were obvious to everyone but Zoro.

"L-Luffy, I…" Zoro nearly clenched his eyes shut in mortification. There was that damn stuttering again too. Zoro cursed himself again, including the cook in his vicious mind assault. He was already flustered enough without the peanut gallery throwing in its two cents. Luffy's pouting face was doing the job just fine on its own, thank you very much. _Damn it all. _The boy really was too cute for Zoro's health.

"And what happened to the bird?" Luffy continued, approaching the swordsman as he had done before. To Zoro's increasing embarrassment, his blush darkened even further with Luffy's growing proximity and questions. His left eye twitched when he heard Sanji snort in the background in response to the captain's latest inquiry. "W-Well…see…ab-about that…"

Once Luffy was directly in front of the blushing man again, he gave him a wide eyed, pitiful look of what seemed to be disbelief and hurt. "Zoro," he asked softly, "did you… lie to me?" The rubber boy resembled a kicked puppy. It was at this moment that Zoro's mind short circuited; his body starting to shake. "N-N-No, o-of course n-not." "Then where did the bird go? And why won't you tell me what's wrong? You're even redder than before." _This is even better than watching Ussop freak out,_ Sanji thought in sadistic glee, biting down on the bud of his cigarette to keep from howling in laughter at the swordsman's current predicament.

"I…I…" At this point it was becoming just too much for Zoro. The questions, the face, the eyes; not to mention the acute awareness of his most hated rival watching the entire thing. Zoro was close to hyperventilating; his mind had all but shut down while his body had gone into overdrive with all of the sweating, shaking, and overheating. If he didn't find a way out of this and fast, there's no telling how far this would go downhill. But his pride would not allow him to run away again, especially in front of Sanji, and he couldn't think of anything else to do. Hope seemed lost…

"OI!" Ussop shouted from somewhere below deck. "CAN SOMEBODY HELP ME…?"

"I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, USSOP!!!" He had never been so grateful for Ussop's needy personality before. "I-I'd better go make sure the idiot's not lying in a pool of blood down there," Zoro quickly threw out in a high pitched voice. "Zoro, wai…!" The captain's plea was never even received, the intended target having left before he could even finish his statement.

Luffy and Sanji could only blankly stare at the cloud of dust leading out of the doorway that had formed in Zoro's haste to escape. The door, bless its' soul (it had obviously not learned its lesson the first time), violently swung back and forth on its hinges due to the speed with which the swordsman had flung it open. It, just like Zoro, had not even gotten a chance to recover from its earlier run in with destruction.

Luffy's pout came back with full force, knowing it would be near impossible to corner his first mate again anytime soon. "Damn it, Ussop…" he cursed. Sanji, for what had to be at least the third time today, rolled his eyes and turned back to the stove. "Well, can't say he doesn't do things half-assed, even if it is denial."

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Translations/Author's notes (sorry, forgot to put this up before)

(1) _Mitsuketa_- Found you

(2) When I researched the most violent animal, the honey badger came up several times (they're supposedly fearless; just like Zoro!), followed by wolverines

(3) _Daijoubu ka?_- Are you ok?

(4) _NIKU?! Doko da?!_- MEAT?! Where?!

Well, that about wraps it up for the first chapter. Hope you liked it! Feel free to leave comments. Also, if you like the Zoro and Luffy couple, check out my video, One Piece Dangerously in Summer Love, on youtube. Until next time!


	2. Innocence is overrated for a captain

Hello everyone! I just want to thank you all for reading my story. A special thanks to my reviewers! I'm glad to hear you all share my love for Luffy-seme, Zoro-uke; and yes, a blushing Zoro is always a nice treat! So without further ado, here's chapter two! (P.S.- I added translations/author's note at the bottom of chapter one; I had forgotten to put that up last time.)

Summary: Roronoa Zoro. Santouryuu user...ex-pirate hunter...first mate of the Strawhat Pirates... a man worth 120 million berri...future greatest swordsman in the world...blushing schoolgirl?! He may be known far and wide as fearless on the battlefield, but can Zoro handle matters of the heart? Can he deal with...*gulp*...feelings? Love is just another battle, Zoro! Join in on what can only be another hilarious adventure in One Piece as Zoro struggles with his newly realized feelings for his captain.

Enjoy!

A Pirate's Guide to Love, for Dummies

* * *

Chapter Two: Innocence is overrated for a captain

"Ano… Zoro, I still need your help." "Uh huh… sure, whatever…" Zoro replied distractedly, obviously not really paying attention to what Ussop was saying; too busy cupping cold water into his hands at the sink and then splashing it on his face. He had been repeatedly doing this since he had bolted below deck, heading straight for the bathroom.

_That was too close_, Zoro thought while holding his hands still against his face after the last rinse. His breathing was finally regulating and his skin was losing its red hue. After removing his hands, Zoro gave out a long sigh at the thought of his previous predicament and his fortunate, but still humiliating, narrow escape. Even further shameful, it had only been possible thanks to the long-nosed, perpetually lying sniper. "Zoorooo…" Speak of the brat.

Zoro finally turned to Ussop, grabbing a nearby towel and wiping his face off before replying, "Nande yo, Ussop?(1)" "I need help with my latest invention," Ussop replied while giving the swordsman a pleading face, knowing that the man would not be able to deny who he considered one of his adopted sons with it. Zoro, being the mama tigress of the crew, had basically taken in the two youngest crewmembers of the ship as his own.

The swordsman rolled his eyes at Ussop's pleading face, finding it unnecessary since the whole reason he had come down here was under the pretext of helping the boy. Besides, this was nothing compared to the patented Luffy's pouting face®… _DAMNIT_! Why couldn't he get the rubber boy out of his thoughts? He really needed to figure out how to deal with this problem; it was already getting way out of control. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Zoro replied, "Fine, Ussop. Where is it?"

The long-nosed boy grinned and pumped a fist into the air. "Follow me!" He quickly turned around on his heels and marched down the hall, Zoro following with a sigh of mock exasperation. The two made their way to Ussop's factory room, the sniper swinging the door open in a flourish. He dramatically raised the palm of his left hand into the air and exclaimed, "And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. Feast your eyes upon the much anticipated, grandest creation, by yours truly, the great Ussop-sama, on all of the four seas. My latest, greatest invention will revolutionize the world of weaponry as we know it! With this device, we will become unbeatable in all armed combat! Behold, in all of it's' glory, the most…"

"Get on with it Ussop," Zoro growled in warning. "S-Sorry," Ussop stammered, a small nervous sweat beginning to form on his face in response to the threat. Adopted son or not, the cowardly boy knew better than to push the short-tempered, impatient swordsman any further. "Presenting my newest invention… the _Ussop Daikarin_!(2)" He proudly exclaimed. Zoro gave the liar a deadpanned stare, clearly not impressed. "…. Fire bombs? Really, Ussop?"

Lying on a table in the middle of the room was several stacked boxes of little round containers, bottles of different chemicals, and various other items. "What do you mean 'really'?! Do you not realize the terror of the dreaded _Daikarin_? With this attack, I will become unstoppable! Conquering an entire marine fleet will be nothing! Don't look down on the feared Ussop-sama's ultimate attack!" Ussop cried indignantly.

_How can it be feared if no one has even heard of it yet_, Zoro thought with another eye roll. "Whatever," He replied, not in the mood to argue with the inventor; he had other things to worry about. "Just tell me what to do." Ussop gave out one last huff, then said, "I need you to pour the ingredients I tell you to into the containers EXACTLY as I tell you to while I hold it; then I'll seal it closed." "Fine," Zoro replied, walking over to the table. "Let's get this over with."

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, Sanji had finally finished cooking and was beginning the process of setting the table. As he brought out the plates and utensils and started placing them, he turned to regard the captain, who had yet to move from his position. "Oi, shitty gomu. Either help me set the table or get the hell out of my kitchen until I call for everyone." To the cook's irritation, he went ignored.

Said rubber man was sitting in his self-claimed dining chair at the head of the table and leaning back in it on its two hind legs, using his feet as anchors underneath the table top to keep from falling backwards. With his head resting on his crossed arms, the captain stared at the kitchen ceiling with a contemplative face, trying to figure out what to do about his current predicament.

For a while now, Zoro had been acting strangely around him. The man frequently cast glances at him in an obscure and almost shy manner, but seemed unable to hold his own gaze when he looked back at his first mate. The swordsman was constantly blushing when he looked at him too; and then stammering sometimes when he tried to talk to the man. It was becoming a challenge to even be around his first mate for long without Zoro trying to run away from him and then avoiding him. While it was indeed true that Luffy was an easy-going and happy-go-lucky guy to the point of childishness, he was not the clueless idiot he portrayed himself to be. He just would have never thought that the fearless, stoic swordsman… would react like a blushing schoolgirl crushing on a boy.

Yes, that's right… Luffy _knew_ Zoro 'liked him', liked him. _Hell_, how could he NOT with how _obvious_ the man was being. The captain just pretended to be ignorant about what was wrong with his first mate because teasing the swordsman was the FUNNIEST thing to do on _earth_! It was even better than watching Ussop freak out or pissing off Sanji. "Oi, shithead! You listening?" Speak of the devil.

The captain finally turned his gaze away from the ceiling to regard the cook, raising an eyebrow in amusement. "You say something?" Sanji gritted his teeth in growing annoyance. "I _said_ help me set the table, idiot." Luffy gave the blonde a pout in response. "Don't wanna." "I didn't ask if you _wanted _to. I _told_ you to," Sanji bit out. "But _I'm_ the captain," Luffy replied with a look of mock innocence, "you can't tell me what to do." "LUFFY!!" the cook screamed in frustration, fed up with the boy's act. "Shut the hell up and set the fucking table before I kick the shit out of you!"

Luffy couldn't help but snicker at the man's anger, pulling the skin under his right eye down and sticking his tongue out at Sanji with a, "Nee hee!" _God_ he loved pissing people off, especially the uptight blonde. Sanji let out an irritated sigh; it was pointless trying to get the boy to stop acting like an immature brat. This _was_ Luffy he was talking about here. "What the hell were you thinking so hard about anyway?" Although he was pretty sure he already knew the answer to that.

"Zoro," the captain replied frankly. "Thought so… Well?" Luffy blinked. "Well what?" The cook took the cigarette out of his mouth and let out an exhale of smoke. "What are you going to do about the marimo?" The pout resurfaced on the captain's face. "Don't know. He keeps running away from me. He won't even talk to me!" Luffy whined loudly, honestly stumped on how to get the swordsman to face what was bothering him. The issue wasn't figuring out Zoro's problem; it was getting him to _admit it_.

"Yeah," Sanji agreed, "the dumbass is being more difficult than normal. But what do you expect with that emotionally stunted bastard?" This _was_ Zoro they were talking about. The swordsman and feelings have been mortal enemies for years. "The marimo will never figure it out on his own, let alone _do_ something about it."

"I'll do it," Luffy stated determinedly, resolve shining in his eyes. "I'll make Zoro admit it." With a decisive nod, he added his famous, "I've decided." He _would_ find a way to help Zoro get over whatever reasons he had for fighting this and make him confess his feelings. Despite it being freaking hilarious to watch the swordsman struggle like this, Luffy didn't like how stressed out Zoro was becoming because of it. He wanted his nakamas' happiness, after all.

"He won't make it easy," Sanji warned. Luffy merely grinned in response. "It wouldn't be any fun if it was." The harder the challenges were, the greater the rewards were; and Zoro would be the greatest reward, at least in Luffy's eyes. Truth be told, the captain had wanted the green-haired man since he first laid eyes on him tied up at that marine base. So when he noticed how Zoro began to act like a crushing schoolgirl around him, Luffy was thrilled. The swordsman was obviously attracted to him; he was hoping it that it went even deeper than that. With a man like Zoro, it most likely had to be more than attraction for him to act like this. _Once I get Zoro to confess how he feels about me, then we can finally…_

Sanji sweatdropped when he saw the perverted grin form on the rubber man's cheeks, stretching them wide. He didn't even _want_ to imagine what was going through the kid's mind right now. If anyone that knew Luffy could ever just _see _the presumed, innocent captain's true nature, they would probably spontaneously combust. _Innocent my ass…_ Sanji thought sourly. Just when he thought he was going to have to give the captain a kick to the head to snap him out of his ecchi(3) thoughts…

"ZORO!! NOT THAT MUCH..." _KABOOM_! The resounding shockwaves from the explosion shook the ship, causing Luffy to lose his footing on the table and to topple backwards to the floor, effectively throwing him out of his daydreams. "Itte!(4)" He shouted, holding his head which had taken the brunt of the hard fall. _Well, _Sanji thought, _that works too._ While Luffy was still clutching his head and rolling around on the floor in supposed agony, the cook finished placing the last plate on the table. "NAMI-SWAN! ROBIN-CHWAN! THE REST OF YOU SHITHEADS! LUNCH!" "NIKU!!!" "BACK OFF, SHITTY GOMU!!" The sound of Sanji's leather shoe making contact with Luffy's face reverberated around the Sunny just as loudly as the shouting.

_The shit I have to deal with_ _in this crew_.

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Translations/Author's notes 

(1) Nande yo, Ussop?- What is it, Ussop?

(2) _Ussop Daikarin- _Ussop Fire Blast (this is Happosai's fire blast from Ranma 1/2)

(3) ecchi- perverted

(4) Itte!- Ow!

That's the end of chapter two! Once again, feel free to leave comments. While you're waiting for the next chapter, check out my video, One Piece Dangerously in Summer Love, on youtube. I've also posted the LuffyxZoro doujinshi, "Devil's Doing", by Vtophya. I'm kakkarot18 on youtube, btw. Ja ne! (See you next time!)


	3. Denying it can get you teased

Hello again! Good news! I was able to finish this chapter quicker than I thought, so you're getting it ahead of schedule; and it's a bit longer than expected as well. Your reviews inspire me to continue writing, so I want to thank you all again; especially the ones who have replied twice now! Btw kitteninthemoonlight, I cut out the 'shitty' in this chapter just for you! I would also like to thank all of the people who have been reading this even without reviewing; over 450 hits so far! I am very thankful to all of you and hope you will continue to like my story. I just noticed that I have been mispelling Usopp's name up till now, so sorry about that. If you see any misspellings or grammatical errors, please let me know! I try my hardest to avoid those. One more thing: I'm going to go ahead and warn you all that I am not a fan of Nami; in fact I pretty much hate that girl most of the time. So if you are a Nami fan, please excuse Zoro's long rant on her and any future hating. Now, on to the fic!

Summary: Roronoa Zoro. Santouryuu user...ex-pirate hunter...first mate of the Strawhat Pirates... a man worth 120 million berri...future greatest swordsman in the world...blushing schoolgirl?! He may be known far and wide as fearless on the battlefield, but can Zoro handle matters of the heart? Can he deal with...*gulp*...feelings? Love is just another battle, Zoro! Join in on what can only be another hilarious adventure in One Piece as Zoro struggles with his newly realized feelings for his captain.

Enjoy!

A Pirate's Guide to Love, for Dummies

* * *

Chapter Three: Denying it can get you teased

"What the hell were you two doing down there anyway?" Nami questioned, giving the two in question an irritated scowl before picking up her cup of tea to sip on. It was lunchtime on the Thousand Sunny, and everyone was gathered around the table eating the feast the cook had whipped up. But, like most things with the Strawhats, even eating became a battle; this time one of survival, thanks to the captain of the ship.

Usopp turned to Nami, using his arms as a barrier around his plate in defense from Luffy's wandering hands. "We were finishing up working on my latest invention,when _somebody_," it was here that the sniper threw his own glare at the swordsman, "decided to take a trip to la la land and stop listening to my instructions." "Hn," was Zoro's only reply to the accusation, obviously unrepentant. Both men were covered head to toe in black soot from the explosion.

"Well be more careful next time," the orange-haired woman added in an admonishing tone, placing her cup back on its saucer. "I swear you guys are more of a hazard to us than any of our enemies combined. Do you _want_ to sink the ship?" "Don't blame me! Blame Zoro!" the sniper replied defensively. "He's the one who-KAESE(1), LUFFY!!-who wasn't paying attention." The long-nose boy was trying to wrestle his confiscated fish out of the thieving captain's hand.

"That's been happening a lot lately," Robin added after sipping her own cup of tea, deciding to join the conversation. "I wonder. What's been troubling you so much lately to make you this distracted, swordsman-san?" There was a distinct twinkle in the archaeologist's eyes as she gazed at the man in question. Zoro growled in response, knowing that the woman was playing with him. He hated how she seemed to know everything and then looked at you with those 'I know all of your secrets' eyes. "None of your business, wench."

"Don't call a lady a wench, you uncouth lout!" Sanji threw at the swordsman, spearing the spot on the table where the rubber man's hand had been itching towards his plate with his fork. "Che," Zoro sneered at the cook, "I'll say whatever the hell I want to say, ero-cook(2). What are _you_ gonna do about it?" The cook disgusted him with his female-worshipping ways and perversion. Every time the ladies' man spouted out his sappy, lovey-dovey nonsense with heart-shaped eyes, Zoro just wanted punch his face in.

"Maa, maa(3), you two. Let's not have another brawl at the table, ok? Some people are trying to eat here," Franky called out in-between bites; afterwards he began chugging down his coke. "Yohohoho, yes please," Brook chipped in, also setting down his cup of tea. "True gentlemen don't fight at the dinner table." "Don't fight at the dinner table," Chopper piped up, repeating the end of Brook's sentence in his cute imitation voice.

"Whatever," Zoro stated uninterestedly, chewing the food currently in his mouth. After swallowing it, he slammed his left hand down hard on the intruding hand to his left. "Itte, Zoro!(4)" the captain whined loudly, his hand trapped underneath the swordsman's fist. "Stop trying to steal my food then," Zoro replied without looking at the captain, knowing the pouting face would be in full blossom on the man's face. It was his biggest weakness. "But I'm hungryy," Luffy whined further, trying to get the green-haired man to look at him.

"You have food, Luffy." "I already ate it all." "Then you've had enough." "But I'm still hungryyy!" "Luffy!" Nami snapped, getting sick of hearing the boy whine. "Uresai!(5)" "But Namiii…" the captain turned his pout on the navigator. Unfortunately, it was ineffective on the girl. "I said shut up!" she gave him the _look_; the one that foretold of upcoming violence if he acted up any further. The captain sunk in his seat dejectedly with his arms crossed in front of him, pouting fiercely now.

_Bitch, _Zoro thought vehemently, casting a glare at the woman. Did she _always_ have to be so mean to the boy? Sure, Luffy was annoying, but that was just Luffy being Luffy. It wouldn't be him otherwise. Besides, it was kind of endearing in a way; at least to Zoro it was. The swordsman couldn't help but throw a sideways glance at the dejected boy. He looked like he had just been told that he was not allowed to go on an island they docked at. The captain slide further down his seat, his lips beginning to wobble…

"Here," Zoro said quietly, picking up the last piece of fish on his plate and placing it on the captain's, still without facing the boy. Luffy quickly sat up, lips stretching into a wide grin. He knew he could always rely on his first mate. Luffy turned to the swordsman, literally beaming. "Thank you, Zoro!" he chirped happily. As was to be expected, a flush spread across the man's cheeks. Luffy's grin stretched even further at the sight, but Zoro didn't notice due to his current internal struggle.

_This is ridiculous, _Zoro thought. Why could he never refuse this boy? Why was he always overtaken by a warm, fluttering feeling in his chest whenever he thought about him? Why did he feel so happy just seeing Luffy smile, especially when it was at him? Why did he have to react like this?! His mind came no closer to the answer than before…

***Flashback***

"Next, we need that bottle to your right," Usopp instructed, pointing to the ingredient he needed. "Kore ka?(6)" Zoro asked, picking up what he thought was the right one. "No no! You're _other _right! Geez." "Hn." "Ok, now pour it in… ok, that's enough. Next…"

Zoro found his thoughts wandering away from his current task, and going back to his previous predicament. He couldn't believe how he had frozen up at the sight of Luffy and stammered in the face of his questions. This behavior was simply unacceptable for a swordsman. Oh, and don't even get him _started_ on that damn blushing! But try as he might, he couldn't help himself. There was something about the rubber man that threw the swordsman off his guard, rendering him vulnerable. The boy seemed to be trying to break through his defenses, and that_ could not_ happen.

What _was_ it about Luffy that made him feel like this anyway? Zoro knew that he cared about the boy more than anyone else in the crew, but that was to be expected. He was the first mate, so the closeness was given. He was also the first one to join the crew, so he knew the captain the longest. _No, _Zoro thought with a shake of his head, _that's not right. _It wasn't just because he knew Luffy the longest; the two had a connection between them that transcended the standard bond between captain and first mate. It had nothing to do with time or duty. Besides, he was only with Luffy for a short period of time before Nami joined the crew.

_That greedy witch,_ Zoro thought angrily, his face forming into a scowl like it always did when he thought about the orange-haired woman; his hands tightened their hold on the bottle he was holding. "O-Oi, Zoro! Be careful with that!" The swordsman didn't even hear the sniper, too deep in his thoughts. _No one_ pissed Zoro off more than that ungrateful, spoiled brat; not even Sanji! As far as he was concerned, Nami was a bossy, manipulative, abusive, selfish, money-obsessed, sluttish bitch! Why everyone thought so highly of her and her 'beauty', and let themselves be subjected to her cruelty was beyond Zoro's understanding.

But what pissed him off the most was how she treated Luffy like he was the most stupid and annoying burden to ever walk the face of the earth. This was the man who rescued her from her enslavers, her adopted mother's killer, and saved her village! And did she show him any gratitude, or even a little respect? NO! Oh, but whenever her ass was in danger, _who_ did she come crying to? The stupidest and most annoying man on earth, apparently! It _sickened_ him!

Even worse, who was the one who _always_ came to that bitch's rescue? It was like Luffy didn't even _care_ how bad Nami treated him. Not _once _had the captain ever put that woman in her place. If it had been Zoro, he would have straightened her out a LONG time ago! A good old fashioned backhand with a "Know your role, bitch!" would have put a stop to this shit. As if it wasn't bad enough that she had the love-cook under her every beck and call, it seemed like even _Luffy_ was somewhat under the witch's spell. The captain's reaction to her 'happiness punch' and when Bon Kurei showed off Nami's tits while impersonating her lead the swordsman to believe that Luffy was actually _attracted _to her.

The thought filled Zoro with a fury the likes of which he had never known and did not fully understand. _Why?! Why is it always that witch! What's so DAMN great about her, anyway? Why couldn't it be m…? _The swordsman's eyes widen with that train of thought, the color rising in his cheeks once again. What had he just been thinking?! Why would he want Luffy to look at _him_ that way instead of Nami? Why did it bother him so much to think of Luffy becoming _more than nakama_ with the navigator? It shouldn't matter who Luffy was interested in; it didn't concern him. It's not like he was _jealous _or anything…

The swordsman began fidgeting a little, shifting his weight from his right foot to his left, uncomfortable with the direction his thoughts were taking him right now. There was NO way he would ever feel something as stupid as jealousy, let alone in anything regarding the money-loving wench. So _what _if his heart ached at the thought of his captain and the navigator together? That was just because he wanted the best for Luffy, and he knew Nami wasn't it! She didn't care about the rubber man, not like he did! Nami would just use Luffy for her own personal gains, and leave the boy heartbroken. She couldn't understand him like he could either! If anyone should be with Luffy, it should be…

His train of thought immediately halted, Zoro's entire face turned bright red and his whole body froze on the spot. He stared blankly in front of him, not seeing anything; meanwhile his mind had thrown itself into chaos. _DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE!_ The alarms rang throughout his head. His brain automatically hurled his last thoughts into _the cage of denial_ to rot with the rest of his unwanted thoughts. Zoro was so out of it, he didn't even notice that he was still pouring the chemical into the ball currently in Usopp's hand…

"ZORO!! NOT THAT MUCH..." _KABOOM_!... until it was too late.

***End Flashback***

"See! He's doing it again!" Usopp exclaimed, pointing at Zoro obnoxiously. Said man snapped out of thoughts with blinking eyes. "Naruhodo(7)," Robin said, resting her head in her right hand while giving the swordsman _that_ sly, knowing smile. "Was he blushing like _this_ too?" She asked in a supposedly innocent way. Zoro gritted his teeth in growing, embarrassed anger.

"Now that you mention it," Usopp replied with his right index finger on his cheek and his thumb under his chin in a pondering pose, "yeah, he was; even more so than now." "Really," Nami added, smirking at Zoro. The swordsman glared viciously at the navigator, his fist tightening under the table. But she wasn't finished with him yet. "Funny how it shows up _only_ when you're around Luffy."

"Nami-swan's so beautiful when she's pointing out the truth!" Sanji swooned. Then he snickered at the swordsman. "Yeah marimo, how _is_ that? And could you be anymore whipped?" "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING WHIPPED?!" Zoro roared, jumping to his feet and slamming his fists onto the table. Out of everyone else on the ship, the cook had _no_ right to call someone _else_ whipped. With a smirk on his face, Sanji slowly lifted his right hand into the air; curling it into a fist, he sharply jerked it downward in a whipping motion. "_Wapush"_ he cooed at the enraged man.

"Lay off him, cook-bro. There's nothing wrong with a man sharing his meal with another man," Franky admonished, beginning to sniffle. "It just shows how much heart swordsman-bro has for our captain." At the end of his statement the cyborg began bawling, rubbing his eyes with his right arm. "I'm not crying, damn it!" "N-No!" Zoro stammered, blushing even further at what the shipwright had said. "It's n-nothing like that! I w-was just shutting him up!"

"Yohohoho," Brook laughed. "Zoro-san's getting redder! Could the heat be getting to you?" "NANI(8)?! Zoro's sick? Call a doctor!" "You are the doctor, Chopper," Usopp reminded the reindeer. "Oh, right. Zoro! Let me check and see if you're sick!" "Don't bother, Chopper," Sanji added with another snicker. "You can't treat what the marimo has." The doctor gasped in horror, cupping his cheeks with his hooves. "YOU MEAN ZORO IS TERMINALLY ILL?!" Nami covered her mouth to keep from laughing outright, though her snickers could still be heard. "If by terminally ill you mean lo…"

"AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!" Zoro screamed at the top of his lungs, his head thrown back and his hands in his hair attempting to rip it out. He couldn't take this anymore! With a "SCREW ALL OF YOU!!!" the swordsman turned on his heels and stormed towards the door. It quivered in fear at the mere _sight_ of the enraged man and tried to brace itself.

"Eh?" Luffy looked up from his plate and turned to see Zoro storming out, food still in his mouth. The captain had been so busy eating that he had not registered anything that had been going on around him until he noticed that his first mate was leaving. "Zoro?" the captain asked around his mouthful, "Where are you going?" "TRAINING!" Zoro barked out, throwing the door open and storming out, slamming the door behind him violently. It bent in on itself, rocking on the hinges after nearly being thrown off.

_Who needs enemies when you have assholes for friends like this?_

* * *

Translations/Author's notes 

(1) KAESE, LUFFY!! - GIVE IT BACK, LUFFY!!

(2) Ero-cook - perverted cook

(3) Maa, maa- Now, now

(4) Itte, Zoro! - Ow, Zoro!

(5) Uresai! - Shut up!

(6) Kore ka? - Here?

(7) Naruhodo - I see

(8) NANI?! - WHAT?!

That's it for chapter three! Hope you liked it! As always, feel free to leave comments and see you next time!


	4. Author's Note

Hey, everyone; just wanted to let you know that the next chapter might take a little longer than before, for 2 reasons. One, I am having technical problems with my computer right now; but, I should have that fixed soon. Two, I am going to Japan next week to do my studying abroad for the semester; so I am busy getting prepared for that. But don't worry! I will have chapter 4 up as soon as I can.

I am also going to take this time to thank all of my viewers and reviewers again; especially LunaticV, As4mi, Clarobell, Lectori Salutem, Colhan3000, and The Wandering Swordsman. Let me answer/comment on some of the things that my reviewers have said.

Sorry if Zoro or Luffy seem _too_ out of character. I try to make the characters as true to their personalities as possible; but due to the nature of this story, they will be ooc at times.

I believe it will take the whole crew to help Zoro through this.

Sorry if the format of this story so far has been confusing. I will change it so that when a different character says something it will start a new paragraph (maybe not every time though).

Don't worry; Zoro does not hate his nakama (with the exception of Nami, perhaps). He was just irritated, moody, and embarrassed. Zoro is not the type of person to handle teasing well, especially when it's about something like this.

Sorry if the rant on Nami was a _bit _too much. I really can't stand her most of the time (I know she_ is_ useful to the crew as the navigator), so I got carried away. I'll try to tone that down for the rest of the story; but don't expect too much on that from me.

Yeah, it would have been more logical for Usopp to pour in the ingredients, but then Zoro would not have caused that explosion due to his 'Luffy' distraction.

I'm glad you all like LuffyxZoro stories too! A blushing, uke Zoro and a pervy, seme Luffy is my current obsession! I love it!! I'm not a fan of Luffy being too clueless/innocent or stupid (really not anyone being like that, but especially not the main character) and just because Zoro is uke, does not mean he will be a weak, crying, clingy one. Zoro is still Zoro, just on the receiving end.

Well, that's pretty much all I have to say for now. If you have any comments, concerns, or suggestions (like what you would like to see in this story), please let me know! Sorry for the delay (please be patient with me, I've never been out of the country before) and look forward to chapter 4 of A Pirate's Guide to Love, for Dummies!


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